My Parisian Thoughts

I never want to wake up from this week of pleasure.

I know the past year of my life almost to the day has been a tornado. Highs and lows, sometimes watching the storm from the center, and often with winds of change I did not think I could survive. I did. I smile. Still though, my heart aches, I miss my father.

I don't often speak of my emotions or experiences of what happened. I feel strong that when I am ready there will be a story to tell.

This afternoon, I sunned my face on the patio of a Parisian Bistrot. I had pâté and rosé. In an attempt to grasp the changes that are coming, I seek what is familiar to me. Paris brings me comfort. Paris brings me peace. Paris brings me memories from the past and now I have created new ones that were unfathomable twelve days ago. What a joy it is to be ambiguous, yet comfortable in a city with so many people.

To learn so much on such a short trip is incredible. I continue to have faith in not only myself but the hope of a bright future.

As I sit once again at Bistrot Linois, I watch as a girl not far from my age exits a car. Her mother in the front passenger's seat, she assists her to stand. With the now familiar Parisian crutch that resembles a cane with a wrist guard, the mother teeters. Her ankles look like rubber balls as she steadies herself with the crutch on one side and grasping a lamp post on the other. The patience of her daughter is resounding. I start to tear. I smile at the daughter as she catches me looking at her behind my sunglasses.

The beauty of the moment is not lost on me. They make it to a table near by and have a beverage as the man driving speeds off.

Having traveled with my father in similar conditions, I love seeing the companionship and patience that even a simple task can take. Witnessing the pleasure on their faces as they also sun along with me is priceless. They were happy. They enjoyed the same pleasure as me today on this sunny Paris afternoon.

I came to Paris to remember.
I came to Paris to forget.

Tomorrow I leave Paris full of memories and love. Renewed.

I don't want to wake up from this Parisian dream sequence in my life.