Men at Bars

I consider myself a social person, albeit shy. I don't talk to strangers. When someone strikes up a conversation with my friends at a bar, I generally assume they may know them. I try to be polite. If they weren't greeted with a hug then I will flash a half smile if they make eye contact, just in case my friend doesn't remember their name and doesn't want to be rude by not using it in an introduction. It takes about fifteen seconds for me to sum a person up. That's it. That is all the time they get before I'm checking my phone, walking off to the bar, making sure the jukebox is playing a song, or just straight walking away from the small talk.

If within fifteen seconds you've already managed to ask me the dreaded question of "What do you do?" and this just happened, I know that next is a series of other personal questions that I also don't want to answer. In Nashville it means you're not a musician or in the industry by any means. I think that's why all of my friends here are in the business. If when my friend answers your horribly uninteresting question honestly and you follow it up wiping the sweat from your brow and answer with "Insurance" I'm still not interested. I'm not interested in what you do. I don't care where you are from or how long you have lived in Nashville. The only thing I'm thinking about is when you actually ask our names, are you going to reach out your sweaty palm and try to shake my hand? I'm not above being rude for the sake of protecting myself against germs. I do not go around shaking people's hands at the gym. A simple nod and smile does me just fine when greeting people.

Insert second subject -> the drunk friend. Mr. I'm Also Sweating Like A Pig On A Spit, don't call me Maggie. I like that name but it's not mine. I don't like repeating myself. I also don't do high fives. I don't play football. I will leave you hanging with a blank stare on my face and ask you where you would like me to put my drink, purse and phone so I can slap your sweaty palm. I keep my hands full so I don't have to touch strangers. What's worse is starting a conversation about how at least my friend will high five. Again I'm not a football player so don't nudge me with your 250lb elbow. I will tell you that if you hit me I will hit you back. If you continue to think this banter is me flirting then you have it coming. Just because I am in a skirt at a bar doesn't mean I'm there for your amusement. I will be relieved when you stumble away defeated. Oh and if all of this is happened before 9pm, you have another problem.

So thank you Sirs for giving me the answer to the question. What do I do? I write a blog about experiences with sweaty morons at bars who ask what I do for a living :)